resonator_mag (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} resonator_mag) wrote,@ 2006-06-07 18:35:00 |
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An Open Letter
Dear Indie Music World At Large,
We're tired. And Hacks is sick*. And all of us are BORED BORED BORED of the crap you keep sending our way. BORED BORED BORED like high school kids in a mall hating their parents.
The Indie Rock dance party has turned into a tattooed, faux-hawked version of a frat party: everyone gets trashed on cheap beer, straight girls make out with each other and flash their tits to impress drunk, skeezy guys, and everyone dances poorly to the same 40 songs every single weekend. The superclubs are still congested with sleepy, boring garbage that Sasha sold us out for on Involver, or the over-produced, 1999 throwback trance of the Dutch Masters. The tweeful tunes of Sujfan and Death Cab are tearing us to boredom (or is that boring us to tears?). And as much as we love the Knife, there's only so much one band can do. While we still love White Rose Movement, the rest of the blogosphere is ignoring them, so we've sucked it up that they'll soon be disbanding for lack of record sales. And even Gnarls themselves have told you to stop caning "Crazy."
Seriously. We're over it. Your music all sucks. Tapes n Tapes? A thousand different bands with "Wolf" in the title? Thom Yorke's The Elevator... er, we mean The Eraser album?
COME ON, PEOPLE! Give us smart, listenable, well-executed music**, or we're giving up!
In fact, we're going to let you know just how much everything you're putting out these days sucks:
The Pussycat Dolls feat. Snoop Dogg - Buttons
The best thing we've heard in a couple weeks is by none other than a prefab girl group and fucking SNOOP DOGG. The radio/video version of "Buttons" is hot. It's catchy. It's Middle-Eastern tinged. It's got tablas. It's got a video that features After Effects fire and a kick-ass, choreographed six-girl chair dance a la the "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago. Yes, it does take six girls to make up for the lack of one glistening, hiphugger-clad Britney Spears of yesterday, but damn it, we're tired of reaching and stretching to find something we like.
We here at Resonator challenge the "smart" and the "hip" to do something half this catchy. We're obviously not that hard to please if something that is aimed at the TRL crew is rocking our world.
So do something. Do ANYTHING that will make us regret exposing our delight in this song. Please. We're begging you. Embarass us.
And quit embarassing yourselves.
Or else we're going to start listening to Jessica Goddamned Simpson, if only it means that we don't ever have to listen to yet ANOTHER band who wishes they'd thought of being The Arcade Fire first.
Sincerely,
The Staff at Resonator Magazine
PS Stereogum, you're wrong. The Paris Hilton single isn't even the slightest bit listenable. It's so bad that we won't even post it, because we love our readers too much.
*Hacks is actually, literally sick. Not from music-- more likely bacteria or a virus. But still... he's sick, damn it!
**No, Rolling Stone, these goth-awful eyeliner-rawk bands combining Dashboard Confessional and A Clockwork Orange don't count.
Dear Indie Music World At Large,
We're tired. And Hacks is sick*. And all of us are BORED BORED BORED of the crap you keep sending our way. BORED BORED BORED like high school kids in a mall hating their parents.
The Indie Rock dance party has turned into a tattooed, faux-hawked version of a frat party: everyone gets trashed on cheap beer, straight girls make out with each other and flash their tits to impress drunk, skeezy guys, and everyone dances poorly to the same 40 songs every single weekend. The superclubs are still congested with sleepy, boring garbage that Sasha sold us out for on Involver, or the over-produced, 1999 throwback trance of the Dutch Masters. The tweeful tunes of Sujfan and Death Cab are tearing us to boredom (or is that boring us to tears?). And as much as we love the Knife, there's only so much one band can do. While we still love White Rose Movement, the rest of the blogosphere is ignoring them, so we've sucked it up that they'll soon be disbanding for lack of record sales. And even Gnarls themselves have told you to stop caning "Crazy."
Seriously. We're over it. Your music all sucks. Tapes n Tapes? A thousand different bands with "Wolf" in the title? Thom Yorke's The Elevator... er, we mean The Eraser album?
COME ON, PEOPLE! Give us smart, listenable, well-executed music**, or we're giving up!
In fact, we're going to let you know just how much everything you're putting out these days sucks:
The Pussycat Dolls feat. Snoop Dogg - Buttons
The best thing we've heard in a couple weeks is by none other than a prefab girl group and fucking SNOOP DOGG. The radio/video version of "Buttons" is hot. It's catchy. It's Middle-Eastern tinged. It's got tablas. It's got a video that features After Effects fire and a kick-ass, choreographed six-girl chair dance a la the "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago. Yes, it does take six girls to make up for the lack of one glistening, hiphugger-clad Britney Spears of yesterday, but damn it, we're tired of reaching and stretching to find something we like.
We here at Resonator challenge the "smart" and the "hip" to do something half this catchy. We're obviously not that hard to please if something that is aimed at the TRL crew is rocking our world.
So do something. Do ANYTHING that will make us regret exposing our delight in this song. Please. We're begging you. Embarass us.
And quit embarassing yourselves.
Or else we're going to start listening to Jessica Goddamned Simpson, if only it means that we don't ever have to listen to yet ANOTHER band who wishes they'd thought of being The Arcade Fire first.
Sincerely,
The Staff at Resonator Magazine
PS Stereogum, you're wrong. The Paris Hilton single isn't even the slightest bit listenable. It's so bad that we won't even post it, because we love our readers too much.
*Hacks is actually, literally sick. Not from music-- more likely bacteria or a virus. But still... he's sick, damn it!
**No, Rolling Stone, these goth-awful eyeliner-rawk bands combining Dashboard Confessional and A Clockwork Orange don't count.
